Journey to Empathy

Seniors are people with a wealth of experience, knowledge and thoughts. And yet, because of the rampant ageism and impatience in our society, people rarely treat seniors as human beings. We often assume that they are senile, and revert to treating them as children, failing to appreciate that they are adults with feelings and memories. Practicing empathy is a way to combat this problem.

Empathy is generally not a natural human habit. Consumed with our own priorities and thoughts, we do not naturally take the time to place ourselves in another’s shoes. But that is exactly what empathy involves: an intentional practicing of focusing attention on another person, and imagining what is going on for them, what they may be thinking, and why they are acting the way they are. In other words, empathy begins as an intentional activity of the imagination.

You may be interacting with an aging parent who seems distant, having a frustrating conversation about moving into a home with higher levels of care. Consider this insight, inspired by PickTheBrain.com.

A helpful way to consider empathy is to picture it as a mini vacation. This is a good analogy because it invites us to think of travelling away from ourselves with a curiosity to see and experience the life another, and then returning home with new insights. Picture the journey in three steps:

1. Shift attention away from yourself; this is the first act of any attempt to practice empathy, and must be intentional.

2. Ask yourself these three questions, and see if you are able to provide reasonable answers based on your knowledge of the person. If you can’t, you may need to ask some questions, or do some greater imaginative work.

- What does this person think?

- What does this person feel?

- How is this person holding his or her body right now and why are they doing that?

3. Return home with your attention.

Maybe the distance you're experiencing from your parent is due to the face that they are experiencing neglect, something you realize when you try to imagine their day to day life. Maybe you can offer greater kindness during a difficult conversation because you remember difficult conversations you've had in the past. Beginning with the idea of a mini vacation may help you on your road towards empathy, and towards greater love for your fellow human beings, including the seniors in your life. 

Photo credit to Julio de Carvalho